Its been one really rough week. After picking up an unfortunate cold from hell I haven't been able to breathe for the last 7 days. Since breathing was a difficulty I skipped out on going to the gym at all this week, and sadly lots of desserts made appearances this week as well. Massive spring break body fail. Time to get back to a life of Ramsey and healthy choice meals. At least for the next three days. I will make myself do a lot of walking in New Orleans to make up for the mass amounts of king cake and beignets I plan on devouring. My goal of bathing suit ready gets a definite needs improvement.
School was another fail this week. Test anxiety kicked in and I managed to have a serious melt down in the middle of my test and didn't even get halfway finished before time was called. Not good. Luckily we are allowed to drop a test grade so that will definitely not be making an appearance in order to contribute to my final grade. Now I just have to do better for the next test. Another needs improvement.
I have at least been much more open with my feelings and emotions this week. Thank god my best friend was able to help me when I was a shit show on Tuesday. It felt amazing to destroy everything. I have also been able to talk to a lot more people about specific things I have been feeling. Its been nice. I am slowly starting to feel less guarded and alone. So this at least is continued improvement.
On to boys, specifically one boy who scares me. After a very serious conversation about our situation I am pretty sure we agreed to keep it casual, but we are trying the whole sober hang out thing. That makes me nervous as hell. Not really sure how I feel, but I will just see where life takes me. I suppose this would a be continued improvement as well.
As for trying something new, lots of things I have never done before happened this weekend. I can't say that I will ever want to call an ambulance or stay up all night to watch a building get blown up again, but I can at least add those to the list of life experiences. Another continued improvement. I have to say I am definitely looking forward to the week to come. It should be much better than the last.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Funeral of a Fairy Tale
Once upon a time there was a boy and a girl. The boy gave the girl his number after winning a competition, and they began talking. The boy was shy so the girl took charge and asked him out on a date. They had so much fun together. It wasn't long until they were talking every day. There was one night when they stayed up the whole night talking on the phone. It was eight in the morning when the girl began talking about the clouds that the boy fell asleep. As he was drifting off to dream land all he could think about was how much he loved her. The boy made a promise to the girl and sealed it with a ring. They were happy for awhile.
Then the fairy tale ended. The boy and the girl began to change. He would make her cry, and she would look for comfort in all the wrong places. Then one day the boy stopped loving the girl, but he still used her for her body. When he had finished using the girl for a final time, the boy crushed the heart of the girl by telling her he was in love with someone else. He had found a replacement for the girl. The boy was cruel.
Now the girl has moved on in her life, but the sting of the boy's cruelty is still fresh especially on this day. This February 17th was the anniversary of the boy and girl loving each other. Now instead of an anniversary it is a funeral. It is the death of the boy's presence in the girl's life. Today is the last day the memory of the boy will haunt the girl. Tomorrow will be the start of something so much better for the girl.
Goodbye boy. RIP.
Then the fairy tale ended. The boy and the girl began to change. He would make her cry, and she would look for comfort in all the wrong places. Then one day the boy stopped loving the girl, but he still used her for her body. When he had finished using the girl for a final time, the boy crushed the heart of the girl by telling her he was in love with someone else. He had found a replacement for the girl. The boy was cruel.
Now the girl has moved on in her life, but the sting of the boy's cruelty is still fresh especially on this day. This February 17th was the anniversary of the boy and girl loving each other. Now instead of an anniversary it is a funeral. It is the death of the boy's presence in the girl's life. Today is the last day the memory of the boy will haunt the girl. Tomorrow will be the start of something so much better for the girl.
Goodbye boy. RIP.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Angry Girls on Vday
School has been going well. I had a week where there was nothing to do which was so relaxing. I definitely had some crazy nights thanks to my easy schedule. I had a test on Monday which I studied for all day Sunday. I think I did well but I never know. I should find out soon. School has been boring, but I have been keeping up with everything. Definite pass.
I have been slacking slightly at the gym lately. I was doing a bunch of dance class and then practicing dt, but my core needs more work. I have also been walking a lot since the weather has been so nice. At least my legs will be looking pretty in a few weeks. Now its time to get my abs into shape meaning no more Valentine's Day cupcakes (no matter how orgasmic). Mediocre.
Family relations are strong. I even called and talked to Daddy on the phone for 30 minutes the other day. Huge improvement over occasional facebook messages. Being more open with Momma Mia has also shown signs of success. We had our own Mother/Daughter day last weekend, and ever since she has been showering me with gifts. Love love love. As for opening up more to friends, I have been doing very well. I have been talking more people and trying to expand my circle some. Its been nice receiving more diverse opinions on problems and feelings I have. I have also opened up a lot to my best friend. I know it upsets her that I don't talk to her about the stuff that has been hurting me recently or my opinions of certain people. I finally told her about a lot of the pain Goose caused me and how I feel about it. I was honest about how he made me feel and where I thought I was with my emotions. It was good to talk to someone, but bringing everything to the surface made me feel really sad. Overall I feel like being less holed up with my feelings should be a good thing. Another definite pass.
Shacking has been really fun lately, but I feel as though I have been a little harsh with my actions. I should learn to be less of a bitch. He is a really nice guy, and I feel like I am starting to like more than just the physical. Relationships just scare the hell out of me especially this week. This week for relationships has just been so depressing. I have felt so lonely. Valentine's Day was fun, but not having one for the first time was really sad. Thank god for sisters. The 17th is also going to be so depressing. I can't decide if I want Goose to try to talk me just so I know he is still thinking about me on that day. I know I will be thinking about him no matter that he hurt me so bad or was just a huge asshole. So fucked up. I want him to go away. I don't feel anything for him anymore. I just miss what was once there. IDK. I am weird. I will be much happier after this week. Its just this first time that will be hard, but I will get through it. Boys fail.
As for trying something new, I have reached out to the deeg clan in New Orleans. It will be so cool to stay with them for Mardi Gras. This will be the first time I will have been to Fat Tuesday without my family. Crazy crazy times to come. So excited! Definite pass.
I have been slacking slightly at the gym lately. I was doing a bunch of dance class and then practicing dt, but my core needs more work. I have also been walking a lot since the weather has been so nice. At least my legs will be looking pretty in a few weeks. Now its time to get my abs into shape meaning no more Valentine's Day cupcakes (no matter how orgasmic). Mediocre.
Family relations are strong. I even called and talked to Daddy on the phone for 30 minutes the other day. Huge improvement over occasional facebook messages. Being more open with Momma Mia has also shown signs of success. We had our own Mother/Daughter day last weekend, and ever since she has been showering me with gifts. Love love love. As for opening up more to friends, I have been doing very well. I have been talking more people and trying to expand my circle some. Its been nice receiving more diverse opinions on problems and feelings I have. I have also opened up a lot to my best friend. I know it upsets her that I don't talk to her about the stuff that has been hurting me recently or my opinions of certain people. I finally told her about a lot of the pain Goose caused me and how I feel about it. I was honest about how he made me feel and where I thought I was with my emotions. It was good to talk to someone, but bringing everything to the surface made me feel really sad. Overall I feel like being less holed up with my feelings should be a good thing. Another definite pass.
Shacking has been really fun lately, but I feel as though I have been a little harsh with my actions. I should learn to be less of a bitch. He is a really nice guy, and I feel like I am starting to like more than just the physical. Relationships just scare the hell out of me especially this week. This week for relationships has just been so depressing. I have felt so lonely. Valentine's Day was fun, but not having one for the first time was really sad. Thank god for sisters. The 17th is also going to be so depressing. I can't decide if I want Goose to try to talk me just so I know he is still thinking about me on that day. I know I will be thinking about him no matter that he hurt me so bad or was just a huge asshole. So fucked up. I want him to go away. I don't feel anything for him anymore. I just miss what was once there. IDK. I am weird. I will be much happier after this week. Its just this first time that will be hard, but I will get through it. Boys fail.
As for trying something new, I have reached out to the deeg clan in New Orleans. It will be so cool to stay with them for Mardi Gras. This will be the first time I will have been to Fat Tuesday without my family. Crazy crazy times to come. So excited! Definite pass.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Body of Champions
After the pig fest/blackout that I blamed on the snow, life got even crazier. The creative writing class that I was so looking forward to taking ended up a bust. The people in there were so STRANGE, and my comments were called out by the professor for being too "bitchy." Withdrawal. Then my Intro to Acting class took a turn for tragedy as well. My professor died of a heart attack. Rest in peace. This week is finally the first week everything has been normal. I am enjoying the stability. I have been keeping up with my work load, and I should be able to make a 3.4 this semester. I am also completely applied to Grady. Now I am waiting and seriously hoping for the good news on March 4th. So that is a check plus in the good grades column.
Spring break is less than six weeks away. Scary. I have been doing well with the gym by making it to Ramsey at least three times a week. I also have been walking up all five flights of stairs to get to my Italian class. I will have the body of a champion by the time spring break is here. Now I just need to get my eating under control. I have been snacking WAY too much. Time for that slim quick. I also plan on stepping up the gym hours. For now the gym column only gets a check.
My parents have been playing a big role in my life this semester. I have been talking to both Momma Mia and Daddy a lot. They have even come to visit me and Mommy is coming to spend the day this Saturday for a Mother/Daughter Day. We are going to brunch, the basketball game, and (fingers crossed) out shopping. I have been open with my family about my life and my feelings. I have also been a lot more open with my friends. I am not holding back anymore. This may blow up in my face, but I am being more open with my thoughts and feelings. Next I plan on trying to be more outgoing. Again check plus in the opening up to others category.
Boys, boys, boys. Goose is definitely out of my life. I don't see us every really being close friends again. He was nice, but its over. I am really ok with that. I have been really happy without him. A lot happier than I was when we were clinging to each other. There has been another boy, and my number went up. I was really nervous at first but it got easier. I had really enjoyed it, so much so that I went back for another night. The physical attention has been lovely. I am having fun and I want to see how everything plays out. Another check plus for me.
So far all is in the positive. More updates to come.
Spring break is less than six weeks away. Scary. I have been doing well with the gym by making it to Ramsey at least three times a week. I also have been walking up all five flights of stairs to get to my Italian class. I will have the body of a champion by the time spring break is here. Now I just need to get my eating under control. I have been snacking WAY too much. Time for that slim quick. I also plan on stepping up the gym hours. For now the gym column only gets a check.
My parents have been playing a big role in my life this semester. I have been talking to both Momma Mia and Daddy a lot. They have even come to visit me and Mommy is coming to spend the day this Saturday for a Mother/Daughter Day. We are going to brunch, the basketball game, and (fingers crossed) out shopping. I have been open with my family about my life and my feelings. I have also been a lot more open with my friends. I am not holding back anymore. This may blow up in my face, but I am being more open with my thoughts and feelings. Next I plan on trying to be more outgoing. Again check plus in the opening up to others category.
Boys, boys, boys. Goose is definitely out of my life. I don't see us every really being close friends again. He was nice, but its over. I am really ok with that. I have been really happy without him. A lot happier than I was when we were clinging to each other. There has been another boy, and my number went up. I was really nervous at first but it got easier. I had really enjoyed it, so much so that I went back for another night. The physical attention has been lovely. I am having fun and I want to see how everything plays out. Another check plus for me.
So far all is in the positive. More updates to come.
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